


speak your mind even if your voice shakes

by chenchen2108



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Royalty, M/M, Muteness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-02 05:59:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14538189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chenchen2108/pseuds/chenchen2108
Summary: He was born without words but he learned how to use them.





	speak your mind even if your voice shakes

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what to say... I just accidentally got the idea to write a story about a mute Taeyong....
> 
> ITALICS MEAN SIGN LANGUAGE!!!
> 
> Enjoy!

“Your son is healthy, your majesty. At least for now.” The doctor said quietly when he entered the royal chambers.

“What do you mean with that?” The King asked, leaving his wife alone sleeping in her bed. She had just given birth to their second son who was born a month earlier than expected.

“There is always the risk that we can not find everything now because he's too small or not every system is developed enough. We need to wait some months or even years to be 100% sure.” The doctor answered looking over to the bed where the Queen slept peacefully. “Did someone came by to check on her?”

“Yes, some minutes ago.” The King answered already back in his own thoughts. “Are there dangers that he will develop an illness later?”

“I'm sorry to say so but yes. There will are still high chances but it will not be something problematic like a disability or that he can't move parts of his body.”

“Hopefully.”

-

Maybe the world hated the small baby of the royal family, maybe it was just fate. The second born, Taeyong was his name, indeed did not develop a disability. But he was mute. The doctor prognoses him with muteness when he was just two.

“I apologize but your son will never talk.”

The Queen started crying after this, still holding her small son. “And there is no way-? I mean, can you help him?”

“I'm not sure. His vocal cords are not really developed, maybe they will be in ten years, twenty is also possible. But for the moment exist no other solution or a quick method to help him.”

“And what should we do? Letting him grow up without a way to communicate?”

“There is a way, it's called sign language. You will need a teacher to help him learning it, your majesties.”

“But everything else is okay?”

“Yes, his system is developed enough now. He won't be deaf or will have something different that will influence his senses but perhaps he will be a bit smaller than other children at his age. And there is a possibility that he will develop a depression when he's older. Unfortunately, it happens quite often and mostly because people who are mute can't tell someone their problems or at least talk about.”

-

Taeyong was indeed healthy when you leave out some circumstances. He was a bright child that smiled a lot, played with his older brother and ate his vegetables without throwing a tantrum. His hands were always doing something, his mouth wasn't closed often. The only difference to other children was that there was no sound coming out.

"Do you want a sweet?” His older brother, Taeil, asked him, holding a small bag full of colorful, sweet bonbons.

Taeyong nodded, _I'd love too._

“Here, take them.” Taeil handed him the half and smiled brightly. Taeyong wasn't stupid like most people expected him to be. Just because there was no sound leaving his lips, people started to gossip that the young prince had a brain damage. There were rumors circling outside the castle, saying Taeyong was disabled and needed to be fed because he wasn't healthy and weak. Everyone imagined the young prince to be someone ugly who laid in bed all day, slobbering. Of course, Taeyong never realized about the rumors when he was young, he grew up isolated from the outside, inside his chambers with maids who communicated through sign language and easy sentences with him. He was a four year old boy now, having brown fluffy hair and bright brown eyes who looked everywhere around, searching nonstop for something interesting.

“Ah here you are.” The foster-mother said, walking through the door. “Your parents like to see you, Young Princes.”

“Of course, we'll come.” Taeil answered for the two of them, taking his younger brothers hand.

“Come with me Tae, mother and father are waiting.” Taeyong showed his reaction in a simple nod since he couldn't move his other hand and followed his brother.

-

At the age of 12, Taeyong still hadn't seen the world from behind the palace gates. “It's not safe for you, Taetae.” Jisung said, when his brother asked him the same question, like so often, with his hands.

_Sure._

“Yes, at least they said so. I mean, the people outside won't understand sign language. And when something happens to you, you can't call for help or shout for someone.” His younger brother explained. Jisung was three years younger than him but still smart. The young boy with the light blonde hair was more quiet and always in his own thoughts but he also spend a lot of time with his elder bothers. “By the way, Taeil got some cake from the kitchen staff, we should go before he eats it by himself.”

Taeyong followed his brother with a soundless giggle to the gardens where the oldest prince was sitting on a bench with a small basket.

“You made it right in time.” He said with a bright smile, making some space so his brothers could sit down too. “It's strawberry cake.” Taeil informed the other two and handed them their pieces.

 _It tastes good,_ Taeyong showed with his hands after he took a small bite.

“Of course or do you think I'll get you inedible cake? Otherwise I would be a terrible brother.”

“Maybe you want to poison us. Who knows?” Jisung said between two bites. “Ah I missed this, I had my last strawberry cake last year.”

_Why? They make it multiple times over the year._

“I'm too lazy to go to the kitchen Tae. It's too far away from my room.”

“Then send your servants. You know that you've got them for this?” Jisung just shrugged and finished his slice. “Where have you been all day Taeil?”

“School. I had private lessons again. You know that I have to take over our country and they want me to be prepared as best as it's possible.”

_Sounds like a lot of work._

“It is.” Taeil smiled friendly at his younger brother. “You should be happy that you don't have so much stress.”

-

Taeyong made the first sound in his life when he was 14. It was a warm Sunday morning, right after his birthday. The Royal Family had gathered in the dining hall for breakfast, Taeyong sitting happily between his brothers in front of his grandparents. The table was full with foods, pancakes, meat, fruits and some cheese, leaving no wish out. Jisung was already happily eating his third bun while Taeyong still did not feel hungry.

“Start with some tea, the appetite will come later.” His grandmother said and winked to him. And like the good grandson he was, Taeyong took his cup and sipped some. He forgot that it was still hot, so there was a burning pain on his tongue immediately.

“Ahh!”

It was just a quiet, week sounding noise but everyone had heard it. There was an uncomfortable silence before everyone started talking, running around like there was an attack happening. One of the servants even fainted.

“Quick, call a doctor!” The King shouted while his wife rushed over to her son. “Taeyong, oh my lord, you just… Maybe there's a chance that he's still able to speak… Oh my god…”

“Sit down.” His grandmother instructed her daughter. “Don't overreact, you'll just stress yourself.”

“Tae, you can talk!” Jisung squeaked and hugged his brother tightly.

“He hadn't spoke, he just made a sound.” Taeil said, looking more relaxed than the rest of the present people in the room. “Quick, Jisung let go of him, the doctor is here.” He then suddenly said.

Like always, the doctor asked Taeyong to open his mouth wide, so he could take a look. “Well, I'm not sure. I need to examine the young prince a bit more before I can say something about his condition. But I assume it's like I thought, maybe you can remember what I told you some years ago, your majesty. It's possible that Prince Taeyongs voice strings will be developed enough one day, so that he will be able to speak.”

“You really think it's possible?”

“More than ever before.”

-

The first time Taeyong is allowed to leave the castle, he's 18 years old. He is still mute but now there are sounds that will escape his pink lips from time to time, like a laugh or painful sound. He loves these little noises and his new hobby was to annoy or scare Jisung with it. Taeil hadn't any time for his younger brothers anymore since his coronation was coming soon. The whole palace was being prepared, there were servants everywhere, carrying bins full with violet roses and plates with food. The whole palace was being cleaned, even the places where the servants slept.

“Everything needs to be perfect.” The Queen reminded her two sons again who were currently trying on their uniforms. It consisted of a jacket in a dark blue with golden shoulder pads and a light blue sash, black trousers and back leather boots. A tailor was modifying some small things, like sewing the royal emblem on their chests. For Taeyong it was the first time to wear his royal uniform. He was never presented to the outside before, he had never been drawn on one of the family portraits, so it haven't been necessary. Now, finally, his parents decided to at least present him to stop the terrible rumors that were circulating in the kingdom.

For Jisung it wasn't a big deal. He had been outside the palace plenty of times but never missed the jealous glances his brother tried to hide. He felt bad for being not allowed to talk about Taeyong outside his gorgeous home since ever. He had been presented at dances and banquets, always smiling, always playing his parents game, always controlling himself about what he was saying. It made him feel sick and it didn't help that Taeyong acted like he was okay with it.

“Are you nervous?” He asked his brother who was standing next to him on a platform.

“Of course he is.” The Queen said, giving her son no chance to answer. She had given up on him ever learning to speak. Of course she still accepted him as her son but she hadn't any strength left for him. Some years ago she started to think that it was her fault that she was mute. She was the one who gave birth too early to him and now she wasn't even believing in her son anymore. And now, the Queen was just ashamed of him. Taeyong looked down to his feet, not daring to move. Maybe he was mute, maybe he was not as perfect as his brothers but he wasn't stupid. He knew his mother didn't loved him the same way as she loved Jisung and Taeil.

-

It was early in the morning when a servant boy woke Taeyong up, telling him it was time to get ready. The young prince was nervous. The palace personal, important generals, ministers and counselors knew about him and his muteness but not the majority of the people he would meet today. It was Taeils crowning day. He took a long bath, hoping it would wash the anxious feelings away. After that, it didn't took him long to get in his uniform with some help of the servant boy who had woken him earlier. He decided to skip breakfast and just stay at his chambers, searching a small notebook and his pen. Since nobody would be able to communicate with him through sign language, he decided to write. A small knock on the door brought him back to reality. Since Taeyong couldn't answer, the door was just being opened and Taeils head popped up.

“Ah, you're here, I knew it.” He said with a small smile. “Are you not feeling well?”

_I could ask you the same. You're so white like a sheet of paper._

“Yeah, I knew. I wasn't in the mood for food too but I had to appear at the family's breakfast. Unlike you.” Taeil said with a hint of sadness in his voice.

_Are you okay?_

“No I'm not. I don't want to become king. I mean- I've been prepared for this all my life and now- I don't think I can do this...”

_Why? You're good at having clever ideas, you can talk with people easily, solve problems. You're going to be a great next king. I'm sure and I'll trust you._

“I know that you do Tae… But there's more. Mother plans to get you married to be out of the palace. I guess you know why.”

 _Of course._ Taeyong wished that he could have laughed at least bitterly but he couldn't – like always.

“Listen, I'll try to protect you as good as I can but after today I won't have so much time for you and Jisung anymore. Please take good care of him. And don't give up your dream Taeyong. I know you want to speak and I know that you can do it one day. Just believe in yourself.”

-

The ceremony would be held at the Royal Palace and after that, Taeil would step out and speak to the masses the first time. The ceremony itself was only for the people with the highest ranking. Taeyong was completely sure that he would have to sit at the last row, far away from his family but that wasn't the case. Indeed he had to sit between the Queen and his brother Jisung. But before he could sit down, he needed to welcome the guests together with his mother.

“And don't you dare to forget to bow at least when you can't talk.” His mother said with a monotone voice, not even looking at him. Taeyong tried to ignore it and looked at his boots.

The doors of the ceremony hall were being opened and noblemen and women, ministers and all the other so important people started to walk in, curtseying or bowing in front of the queen, saluting to his brother – just to stop in front of him, looking at him with a helpless face.

“Ah, excuse me,” The Queen said, “But I forgot to introduce you to my second oldest son, Prince Taeyong.” Silence filled the room and everyone stared at the small brown haired boy who quickly bowed in a perfect ninety degree angle. “I apologize again but he is mute.”

There was no longer silence lingering in the air but a quiet murmuring. Taeyong didn't dare to look up but he felt Jisungs hand squeezing his. For a while he had nothing to except bowing and listening to the names the people told him. Sometimes he heard a short “He looks good,” or “It's a pity that he's mute,” from some ladies but nobody else tried to talk to him. And when they did they spoke extremely loud, like he was deaf.

And then it happened. Taeyong had seen a lot of beautiful things in his life, in the palace, on pictures who where printed in his books and on paintings. But the young man in front to him was truly art. Jung Jaehyun was his name and he was the only son of the first general of the army of their country. No need to say that Jung Jaehyun would take over his fathers position. But that wasn't the amazing thing, no, it was his face, his hair, his behaving. Jaehyun had gold colored hair with a hint of brown and beautiful brown orbs. His smile was cute, sometimes there were even dimples appearing when he laughed. Taeyong had never seen such a beautiful human in his life.

“Ah and this must be the legendary second prince right?” The first general turned around and bowed while Taeyong bowed back.

“Indeed, he is.” The Queen just said, not bothering to say his name too. “Please take a seat, general, we want to start soon.”

Taeyong felt Jaehyuns gaze lingering on him for some seconds before he followed his father. Does he even know that I'm mute?

Taeil did a great job, reciting the oath he had to learn perfectly, mastering all the rituals he needed to do. Taeyong felt proud for his older brother when he was handed the crown. Jisung had told him that it had a weight from five kilograms and Taeyong immediately wondered how Taeil could wear it so easily on his head.

“He will have a devilish headache.” Jisung whispered and Taeyong smiled a bit. _I think so too._

“Behave.” The Queen hissed quietly. “You present your family and here are a lot of people who are watching us.”

-

The people seemed to love Taeil- or their new king- Taeyong couldn't tell, it was the first time he actually saw so many of them at the same time. His heart was beating fast while he stepped after his family on the podium. Taeil was already standing in front of the people, only a row of soldiers was dividing him from the citizens. He smiled genuinely before he started with his speech. Taeyong wasn't listening because a certain someone had taken the space next to him. It wasn't enough that millions of eyes were starring at him, no Jung Jaehyun was now standing beside him. To close for his liking, their shoulders touching. Their wasn't a big height difference between them but still, Jaehyun was taller than him.

The ceremony went well and in the end there was big dinner. Taeil was surrounded by plenty of ladies who just saw their chance to win the new kings heart over.

“Pathetic.” Jisung scoffed, turning to his brother. “Taeil is so far away from being straight.”

_You shouldn't say that to loud._

“Why? Gay marriage is allowed.”

_It's called same sex marriage. And yes it is but I'm sure mother expect him to marry a girl one day._

“She's expecting a lot, she should stop with that.”

_And how?_

“I don't know. But she's putting to much pressure on the two of us.”

“Excuse me, I don't want to interrupt your talk but can I have the next dance with you, my Prince?” Jaehyun had appeared next to Taeyong, bowing formally to him.

 _Yes you can_. Taeyong answered quick back in sign language but made sure to look at the ground. It was the first time a handsome boy called him 'my Prince' and Jaehyuns smile made his knees going weak.

“I feel honored.” Jaehyun bowed again, holding his hand out.

_Wait, you understand sign language?_

“Of course I do. My father forced me to practice it since I was young. He'd told me that I would need it one day but until now I haven't understood why.” Taeyong let out a small surprised sound.

_He told you?_

“Not directly. He just said I'm going to need it.” Taeyong nodded and took his hand. Jaehyun flashed him another bright smile and walked him to the dance floor where already some pairs danced a slow waltz. “I guess you know how to dance, my Prince?”

 _I'll do._ But Taeyong didn't felt like. There was this nauseous feeling in his stomach, his palms were sweaty and he felt like he was at the wrong place. He didn't belong here, not with all these noble people who chattered so easily. They ignored him like everybody did.

“Are you okay?” He heard the other ones voice, clearly realizing how worried it sounded. He didn't bother to move his hands and just stood there, starring holes at the walls and the candle holders. Jaehyun started to worry more and more, the young Princes breath was getting unsteady and his face was getting paler. “I'll get you out of here my Prince.” Jaehyun mumbled, placing an arm around the smaller ones hips, guiding him safely out in the gardens. He first let the Prince sat down on one of the heavy stone benches that were placed everywhere.

“Prince Taeyong? Hello? Your majesty?” Jaehyun was worried to death, his soldier training and education could also not help him now. He just took the Princes face between his two hands and forced Taeyong to focus on him. “Breathe in and out. Slowly, slowly, you have time. And again, in and out.” Jaehyun was feeling stupid but it helped Taeyong. He could see sharp again, looking directly at the beautiful brown orbs of Jaehyun.

 _Thank you_. It was simple gesture with his fingers but it still warmed the other ones heart up.

“Don't worry to much. You had some kind of panic attack. Do you maybe know why?”

 _Everyone stared at me and I felt insecure._ Taeyong showed back with his fingers, suddenly feeling stupid.

“It must be hard right?”

_What do you mean?_

“I mean this whole thing that you've been hidden all your life. Listen, it's the first time in your life you had the chance to meet new people. You haven't hid yourself the whole day. That's a lot you achieved today and you should be proud of it.”

_Thank you._

“Don't thank me but yourself. You are strong and you know it. You'll find your voice, I'll help you searching for it. I promise.”

 _You do?_ Taeyong asked back, a soft smile spreading over his face.

“Yeah, I do.” Jaehyun smiled back, holding his hand out for the second time this evening. “Well, the music is loud enough and here is also plenty of space and nobody else my Prince. Care to dance?”

_I'd love too._

Taeil watched the two from one of the balconies. Seeing his brother smiling again after such a long time made his heart melt. And he knew about Jaehyuns little lie. It was him who had forced Jaehyun to learn sign language. He just had a feeling about the two, while the pair was spinning around, dancing a very lively waltz.

-

Taeil was currently sitting in his office while checking some papers with Taeyong. He was proud of his brother who seemed to make progress every day. He was visiting a doctor on a daily basis now and since that he could say small words as yes, no, thanks and please. Sometimes he would just sit there, repeating these words all over again, nearly crying while hearing his own voice.

“Taeyong can you hand me these files?” Taeil pointed at a specifically big file which was full with hundreds of papers. Taeyong took them and handed them over.

"Here."

“Thank you Tae.” It was like an unspoken rule between the brothers, whenever Taeyong would say something, they would respond. It was not just to make him feel better but the doctor warned them always that Taeyong could develop a depression every time. It meant one problem more for Taeil but he didn't mind. There was a short knock at the door and Taeil showed Taeyong that he should answer.

“Yes?” His voice was still quiet and a bit trembling but the other person heard it and entered. It was Jaehyun.

“Ah, I kind of waited for you.” Taeil said with a bright smile and closed his folder. “We need to discuss some plans and strategies and the upcoming plan for the next year in relation to the training and marching plans and the money.”

“But isn't that my fathers job?” Jaehyun asked clueless.

“It was. I let you change positions, that means that you're my first general now. Please sit down, we have a lot of things to do.”

“Yes your majesty.” The gold haired boy answered before bowing to Taeyong. “My Prince.”

 _Sir._ Jaehyun raised an eyebrow but Taeyong just shrugged, not really in the mood for a conversation. He was also shaking again and felt a tingling sensation in his stomach.

“Bye.” He said and left quickly.

“I apologize for my question but he can speak now?!” Jaehyun asked the new king with big eyes as soon as Taeyong had left.

“He made a lot of progress, believe me. And Jae, quit being formal. We know each other for an eternity now, we should talk like friends. And it'll make this more interesting."

“I don't think that this is going to be fun.”

-

“Taeyong we need to talk.” The Queen said, sitting down next to her son on one of the benches. “I guess you already know about what.”

_Yes mother._

“Good. I plan to marry you and Jisung off to some noble man. It's the best for you two.”

 _But Jisung is still very young._ He showed back, not daring to speak against her.

“I don't care. You two will be a burden for Taeil and his work. I've already arranged something.” Taeyong sighed and looked at his hands. He felt terrible and nauseous, especially for his younger brother who was too pure and to innocent to be married off like a peace of meat.

_Who is the one?_

“His name is Zhong Chenle and he's from our neighbor kingdom. He's just a bit older than Jisung. He will have to like him because nearly everything is already arranged.”

_You can't force him._

“Of course I can. I'm his mother and I'll force you two. But you won't marry a prince, that would be a shame for our and their country. You will get some ministers son who will accept you.” She said, looking bored at her nails. “I don't even expect you to like him or that he will likes you back.”

 _Yes mother._ Taeyong felt tears in his eyes but kept quiet, not daring to make her even more disappointed in him.

“Who does even want a mute partner?” She murmured to herself before she stood up and left without an other word.

Taeyong stayed in his position, tears now slowly rolling down his cheeks. There was a short crackling noise that made Taeyong looking up. Jaehyun was walking in his direction with a worried face.

“What happened Prince Taeyong?” He asked with a raised eyebrow, placing a hand on his shoulder.

_It's okay._

“Are you sure, my Prince? You don't look like it.” But Taeyong shook his head.

 _I need to go, sorry._ He quickly stood up and left without a single reaction to Jaehyuns pleading voice behind him. He went straight to his brothers chambers, not bothering to knock and just went in. Jisung looked up from his book when he heard his steps.

“Tae? What-”

“M-Mo-Mother.” Taeyong said between some sobs with a weak voice. His younger sibling frowned.

“What has she done this time.”

_She wants to marry off the both of us. She already arranged something for you with a so called Prince Chenle._

“What?” The book felt on the ground when Jisung jumped out from his chair. “I'm not going to marry anyone I haven't chosen for myself!”

 _Calm down!_ He quickly showed. “Please.”

“Why should I? She is ruining our both lives and you just accept it?! Tae, we should do something against her plans!”

_And how? I don't even have a voice to speak!_

“You do! You have a voice, you just need to practice talking more and more!”

Taeyong looked at the ground again. _It will take to much time until I can speak like you._

Jisung scoffed. “You can speak. You do it with your fingers and gestures. Heck, you have even Taeil, me and this Jaehyun. You can speak with the help of your servants!” He argued back. “Mother and Father always put you down like your not worthy enough. It's no even your fault that you can't speak!” Surprised by his younger brothers outburst, Taeyong looked up at him again. Jisungs face was red and his eyebrows were knitted.

-

Taeyong was practicing like mad to improve his speaking skills, reading texts from his books while moving his lips. He would always move his lips to the words his fingers formed. He wouldn't give up. He wouldn't marry anyone’s son just to get threaten like an invisible ghost. He had a voice and he knew it. At the moment he was with Taeil again in their castles library. Of course Taeil had found out what their mother planned and made Taeyong to his personal counselor just to keep him away from any sort of arrangement. He even convinced her to let Jisung some more time.

“Can you get me the book about the arrangement of the borders? I need to look this up for my next meeting with General Jung.” Taeil sighed while his brother handed him the book.

“Here.”

“Ah, still making progress.”

“Yes...I-I'll-d-do m-my be-best.” Taeyong stuttered with a small smile, still feeling uneasy with talking.

“Tae… you… you just spoke a whole sentence!” Taeil let go of the book and hugged his younger brother tightly. “Taeyong I'm so proud of you!”

“Thank you.” He answered shyly.

-

“You wanted to see me?” Jaehyun asked when Taeyong entered the small garden pavilion.

“Yes, I did.” Taeyong answered back, smiling softly.

“You speak?!"

“Yes.” _But I still need time to learn. I just started._

“That's okay. Take your time my Prince.”

_I took a lot of my time. To practice, I mean._

“I believe you. Your voice sounds beautiful.”

_Just call me Taeyong. And thank you._

“Why my Prince?” Taeyong blushed lightly and looked away. “Does it make you feel uncomfortable when I call you my Prince?”

_No, it never made._

“Then why?”

_It makes me think that you like me and that's wrong._

“Who told you that? That's stupid, my Prince.”

 _It isn't. I've always been told that no one likes a mute Prince._ Taeyong struggled.

“That's not right."

_It is._

“No, it's not right. Stop lowering yourself. I like you. I always did.”

Taeyong looked up into Jaehyuns eyes. “You did?”

“Always. Believe me.”

_I did believe you. Ever since you promised to help me. And there's something I've always wanted to tell you with my own words._

 

 

 

 

“Jaehyun…I – I love you.”


End file.
